Some photos, finally.

I finally uploaded some photos that I've taken of the house "in progress." Rather than pick through them and upload one by one to blogger (which, by the way, is really annoying, because I can't figure out how to insert them within the text...they all end up at the top of the page, then I have to cut and paste the html; does anyone know about this?), I will just put a link to the album I made on my FB page. http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2050579&id=1602502452&l=cd73896637

Sorry, I know it's lame, but time is short and I am frustrated with the photo aspect of this website!

Anyway, it was a long, hot weekend. We were sort of derailed on Sunday, because Paul wasn't feeling well and couldn't work beyond the morning. I painted with my dad, but he wrapped it up around 4:30, and Paul felt weak and tired, so couldn't manage Henry alone. We all just went back to Grandma's and I made supper. Paul went to bed early, around 8. After that, it got complicated!

At 3am, Henry woke us up and Paul got up to pee. I was nursing Henry, and heard/felt a huge crash. Paul had passed out in the bathroom! So, I ran in there, and he was just staggering to his knees. I tried to make him stay down but he was acting disoriented and ornery, and stood up "to wash his hands" and went down like a ton of bricks (he's pretty tall and heavy). I don't know how I managed to do it, but I had him by the arms and managed to steer him away from the counter so he didn't crack his head (the bathroom here is super narrow, like enough room to stand in front of the sink, but that's it). I put his legs up and he was out for about 30 seconds (felt like a lifetime) and Henry was calling me but staying in bed (thank goodness!). Paul then woke up, and I made him crawl back into bed, and put his legs up again...brought the baby in to Grandma's room (thankfully, she was up with all the commotion). Paul drank about 2 liters, and sort of rested/dozed. I put Henry back to sleep, then cleaned up the wastebasket that Grandma peed in during the drama (long story on that one too!) and took a shower to get ready to head to the hospital at some point, even though I knew Paul was going to try to get up for work at 6 (it was like 4:30 by now and no way I was going back to sleep). You can imagine, I've had about 5 heart attacks at this point and adrenaline is pumping. I got a bag ready for Henry, made sure I had all our insurance info, etc, and made a lunch for Henry (who knows how long we'd be waiting).

So, sure enough, Paul's alarm goes off, and I brought in another liter of water for him to drink, and treated him like a postpartum lady who fainted her first time up. This time, I brought Grandma's BP cuff and sure enough, didn't he go from 120/70 laying to 99/50 sitting and then stood up, fainted again and was 66/40? ARGH! I called his boss to tell him Paul wasn't coming, and argued with Paul about why he should agree to go by ambulance. He bargained with me to let him drink more water and if he got dizzy sitting after another 30 minutes or so, he'd agree to go by ambulance. If he could sit, we'd go in the car.
Well, he managed to get his pressure up enough to tolerate sitting, so we went in the car against my better judgement.

Several hours in the ER, an EKG, CXR, belly film some labs and a liter of 0.9 and he was feeling better, but tired. Diagnosis? Dehydration, vasovagal syncope and perhaps, foodborne viral illness (but Paul and I ate the same things all weekend and I am fine). I'm not 100% in agreement; Paul never had vomiting or diarrhea, and while he probably didn't drink enough, it wasn't like he didn't drink or eat at all. We talked with the doc about all the work Paul's been doing at the house (sanding old paint, etc) but he shrugged that off since Paul wears a respirator. Anyway, we got home around 1 with a cranky toddler, ate lunch and took a nap. Paul is okay today, although very tired and sort of stand-offish. I can't tell if he's nervous, or embarassed, or if he's had some sort of mental status change. He insisted that he go to work, so he did. I am worried!

So, anyway, that's that. I guess it will take me a few days to relax about it. It really hit home how tenuous our position is in so many ways. If Paul is sick and can't work, we're screwed (temporarily anyway). And, of course, the obvious worries about a sick husband. I'm not 100% confident in "dehydration" being all it was. He continues to feel nausea, and the tiredness seems out of proportion in terms of the amount of sleep he's gotten over the last few days. I'm anxious to put my eyes and hands on him this afternoon, and have made an appointment with our primary care doc on Thursday (the soonest they could see us, and I had to fight for that!).

I'm thinking about exposure to something toxic in the house...and that opens up a whole new set of worries, so I'm going to try to just keep taking things as they come.

Overwhelmed!

In some ways, I'm feeling really stumped by all we have to do at our house. It's hard to manage spending time there with caring for a very busy 16 month old guy. But, I know we'll get it all done before moving day (June 12!). We've had lots of help from my family, and are working hard whenever we can. I do, at times, feel guilty that Paul is pulling more of the load. I have to bring Henry back to Grandma's for nap, and early for bedtime while Paul works on. It's hard, not feeling like I'm doing my share of the yuck work.

I've gotten our bedroom walls, ceiling, trim and closet painted...just needs a few touchups. Henry's room has a first coat, and the trim is done. I painted the hall trim, and need to do the walls this weekend. We need to prime and paint the upstairs floors, and then it's just detail work that can happen after we move in. Aunt Cindy deep-cleaned the upstairs bath yesterday, and Paul has all the wall repair done on the plastered dining room. Aunt Lois came over to paint some living room trim this morning, and I cleaned up all the plaster dust (quite a long process, as I had to clean the shop vac filter 3 times before I finished the room). I'm at home while Henry naps now, then I'll bring him up to my Dad's place, where Sandi will look after him for a few hours so I can go back to the house and paint some more.

I absolutely LOVE to paint, and am kind of a nut about doing it "right." I've had to let go of that controlling, perfectionist feeling in order to just relax and let others help with this work. It helps that the house is old and flawed, somehow. Maybe because I know that painting perfectly isn't going to make the trim or walls look perfect? I'm a nut.

I've taken lots of "before" photos, but the camera is in a kitchen cabinet at the new house, so I've yet to upload any.

Really, in the grand scheme of things, all this work is minor, "finish" work to us. Having lived through remodeling our old house from the studs out (plumbing, electrical, drywall, building a kitchen, etc), this really is very little work by comparison. I think most people feel overwhelmed when they walk in, but overall, it feels like a snap! It will be all fresh and ready to live in, soon. Just paint and cleaning, that's what I keep telling myself.

We decided to have the hardwood flooring on the main floor refinished. We'd planned to do it ourselves, but the task seemed to daunting and monumental, and we really strongly want it to look it's best. Paul and I agree; we'd rather suck it up and pay a bit more now than look back and wish we'd done so when our DIY floor job bothered us. That's one thing we learned from Lamay...if you're not sure you can do it well, it's worth it to check into having someone else do it well, otherwise it will bother us indefinitely.

Henry is doing well with all the chaos. He loves to roam and romp in our fenced back yard. There's plenty of room for him to explore, and it's so relaxing to be able to sit in a chair and watch him do it, rather than be on his heels to make sure he stays out of the alley or the street. We're really going to love living in this house! It's just right for our family.

High anxiety

Whew! I am feeling some serious self-imposed pressure about this move! For some reason, I have in my mind that we MUST be living there by next weekend. It's fine with Grandma if we stay on a bit longer, and I suppose I should feel nothing but gratitude that we have this house as a base while we work on the other. HOWEVER, I am feeling really overwrought and ready to get out of here, probably because I know it's coming. It's too hot here, and Henry is told "no" at every turn, and I just can't take it much longer. I am tired of making supper and eating at 5pm, and I am tired of cooking up things to take us out of the house every day. The animals are anxious, Grandma is grumpy, and I am just feeling such an urge for my own stuff, my own food, my own space, music, good smells and no carpets.

Carpet is gross, people, especially when it's decades old!

This clerk at the UM birth center, Maria, is quite a character. She is quirky, and always makes a rather off-beat comment in most conversations. She came to my going-away party, and told me that I was really in for some trouble with this move. When I asked her why, she responded "You are going to be taking care of a baby, living with an old lady and dealing with a man! It's like three times as hard as anything else." I just thought it was funny, like, "oh, Maria!" and forgot about it until a week or two ago, when I realized she was right.

I really hope that my stress/anxiety levels decrease with our move, because it has been hard walking on eggshells for Grandma, keeping Henry corralled (when that's the last thing he needs or wants) and trying to communicate with Paul about what we need to plan, do, check or call on. And adjust to missing all my downstate people, get to know a new town and be out of my element housekeeping-wise. Okay, poor me. End rant!

We decided that it would make the most sense to refinish the hardwood floors before we even think about doing anything else. The kicker is that we haven't even been able to get in the house yet, and I have no idea what we're going to encounter underneath those carpets. We've never done this before, so I'm anxious about it turning out well, and not taking a whole week to do. Paul is at risk of having to stay overtime on any given work day, and I'm feeling some anxiety related to how everything is going to get done. I'm also a little worried about how it's all going to go with Henry involved...being a nursling who has somewhat weird sleep patterns, he's a challenge for someone to take care of for more than a couple of hours. And, I haven't really left him with others much to speak of. I'm sure he'll be fine overall, but I feel pulled in the direction of trying to knock this house work out with Paul and still do what Henry needs. As well as make sure we have groceries, and that Grandma's needs are taken care of until we're officially "gone."

I asked her today what she was feeling about us leaving, and she just said "Weellll..." and then got up from the table and started cleaning up her dishes. Oh man, she is getting harder to understand, rather than easier. I busted ass twice this week to get supper made and on the table by her eating time. Both times, when I went into the living room to tell her it was time to eat, she refused because she didn't feel like eating. Another time, I woke myself up from a much needed nap to get supper made and found her eating a sandwich and cheese puffs because she felt hungry. That's fine! Really, it is, but it's a little frustrating too. I offer her lunch every day when Henry and I are eating, and she says she doesn't want anything. Then, an hour later, she's eating cookies and drinking that horrible Ensure that she favors so much. Here's what she buys when she stops in the grocery store after her weekly hair-do:

• Some sort of chips or cheese puffs, or cheese popcorn
  
• Cookies from the bakery department
• Candy of some sort to put in a dish
• Lunch meat that is the most processed of the processed...like olive loaf or liverwurst (which, she has yet to eat any of)
• Canned or frozen meals
• Soft white bread
• Processed cheese slices

Every day for breakfast, she has a frozen waffle with Log Cabin syrup (never mind that we have maple syrup from Uncle John's trees in the fridge) and frozen OJ. She eats little bits of whatever I make for supper, usually, but when I ask her if she likes something, she says things like, "It's okay, I suppose, if you like vegetables." Okay. So, I don't ask anymore. If she doesn't like it, she can go get something she likes.

Sorry, ranting again. At any rate, I'm determined to stay polite and respectful, and keep telling her of our plans and how they can change. What else can I do?

Crazy good weekend

We closed on our house on Friday!! Of course, it took forever, and things were not there that should have been, but they made it at the last minute (papers from the title company). We own 215 E. Case Street! The old owners negotiated to stay for 7 days past closing, which is now, of course, driving me bananas; mostly because all I can think about it pulling out that nasty carpet and getting the house cleaned, blessed and filled up with us! I am dying to sleep in my own bed, and just let it hang out as a family in our own house. Whew.

We splurged and went out to dinner after our closing...it was nice, although kind of rushed. It's really hard to go out to eat and really savor the experience when there's a toddler involved. We went to the Vierling in Marquette, which has amazing beer and whitefish pulled out of Superior (just across the road). It was so yummy. It's been so long since I've had alcohol that I think I was tipsy from one pint of beer!

It started snowing Friday evening, and when we woke up there were about 4 inches on the roof and the cars. Whoa! I was not expecting that. Thankfully, it was just in Negaunee, and didn't interfere with our rummage sale plans in Marquette. We totally scored on some furniture for our new place: an armchair for the living room, big enough to read with a kiddo in: $5. It needs a cleaning, but is a beautiful robin's egg blue tweed. A smaller armchair for our bedroom in a silky goldy/green 1960's fabric in almost perfect condition: $10. We also found a pair of simple 1960's wood lamps, a rickety cabinet (that needs paint) for cat food to sit on in the kitchen with storage below, some new rag rugs, a couple of plants and a coat tree, as well as some kitchen crap (bench scraper, shot glasses and tiny wooden bowls for measured herbs, etc). Yay! I didn't take photos of stuff, but I'll try. My mother in law found us a beautiful cedar chest downstate, and they'll be bringing it up on their next visit. I plan to put it at the foot of our bed and use it for our linens and treasures. My aunt and uncle are giving us a twin bed that their daughter has used for some years. So, we don't have to find one of those for the kiddo room.

All this thrift/rummage/yard sale stuff provokes much excitement for us. We want a comfortable, clean and welcoming home, not a showplace. I fantasize about how it will look all together, funky and warm. Some folks might be weird about buying used furniture...I enjoy the thrill of finding something cool that is still useful, and rescuing it from a landfill (or, up here, just getting dumped out in an old caving ground or something). Plus, some of the old stuff is just better-made and more interesting to look at than new, mass-produced furniture. Don't misunderstand me; I do like Ikea, and if I had unlimited money, I'd probably just go out and get what we want/need all at once. But, because our budget is small, and because we care, we're taking our time to find what's right, or what will work.

I also had a lovely Mother's Day.

Last year, Paul didn't even make me a card. He joked on that day that my Mother's Day gift was the blowout diaper I woke up to (literally, blown out on me and the sheets). While I don't buy into the "get something flashy for your mom at the last minute" Hallmark holiday aspect of Mother's Day, it would have been nice to have a special family day, and be celebrated for the hard work of mama-hood. I was sad!

This year was a total 180. Paul took Henry out when he woke, allowing me to sleep until after 9 (unheard of!). We had brunch together, then took a ride for my surprise that Paul had been hinting that they'd been working on...now, I don't know if this is legal, and I feel maybe a little weird about this: he chose a birch sapling on some public land, tied a ribbon on it, and drove me to it (over some rocky, crazy two-track). He presented it as my gift, and plans to dig up and wrap the root ball when we're moved in and ready to plant it at our new house, along with Henry's placenta. I absolutely adore paper birch trees...they're so beautiful in a grove, and tall, goldy and slender. My grandma's house has two old birches in the front that Holly and I played with a lot a kids. I feel connected to birch, and missed them a lot living in the lower peninsula. But, it does seem weird to take one from the woods to put at our house. I actually had a thought that maybe it would be sad if we moved it. But, I'd love to have a special tree at our new house, too. Maybe I'll do some research on buying a sapling if they're not too expensive. Paul knows I'm a sensitive weirdo, and I don't want to hurt his feelings. His intention was nothing but good, and very sweet. I really love my husband.

We went to the beach, too. We drove up 550 near Little Presque Isle, and hiked on the Songbird Trail to the beach. It was absolutely, eye-poppingly, clean-smelling, heart-poundingly gorgeous Lake Superior beach, with a little river feeding into the lake through white sand with driftwood here and there. It was windy and wavy yesterday, so we couldn't stay long (especially once Henry decided to take a swim), but it was perfect and really fed my soul.
Here are some photos:










We went to dinner at Red Lobster with Grandma, Aunt Cindy and Uncle John, and Aunt Mary and her mom, Marilyn. It was packed, we had to wait forever, and this was disappointing, because we really don't like chain restaurants, and Red Lobster in particular. It's Grandma's favorite, so she usually chooses to go there above anything else. Oh well, we won't have to do it again anytime soon, but it was a bite to spend money on a restaurant meal again, especially one we didn't like much. Ah well!

My kid is waking, so this is it for now. Hope everyone had a lovely Mother's Day!

The weekend, this week, and thoughts on other stuff

My dad was the commencement speaker at NMU's graduation last weekend. He was also given an honorary PhD. For those reading who don't know, my dad has been a politician in the UP for the last 12 or so years, so he's had a lot of involvement in the community, and is quite well known here.
The ceremony was held at the Superior Dome (or "Yooper Dome" as people here call it). It's a huge wood dome that NMU has for sporting and other big events, right near the lake (you can see it as you approach Marquette from miles away). With minor snafus, Paul, Henry and I got there right in the nick of time for the ceremony to start. We were given seats right up front next to my Grandma Prusi.


Henry was mostly cranky, nursed for a while as the graduates filed in, then Paul took him out to play, but he ended up sleeping in Paul's arms for the entire ceremony.


There was a reception afterward, and then we went over to Dad and Sandi's to hang out while they made a bunch of lasagna for the big family dinner. Henry, as ever, was more interested in the kitchen goings-on than he was in the toys that they had out for him, so my dad showed him how to make lasagna...it was cute.


The big family dinner was good! My aunt was here from Minneapolis, and I don't get to see her much, so it was great to visit. We made some mojitos, the weather was fabulous, and the patio was so relaxing. We pigged out on lasagna, bowties with alfredo, salad and garlic bread with big pieces of delicious garlic. It was really nice to let Henry roam around and be entertained by my aunts and uncles, and cousin. He's a pretty sociable little cuss, and getting warmed up to folks much faster now. It felt good to relax the constant vigilance I hold here at Grandma's house (that is still going on, by the way).

We're slated to close on our house on Friday!! I'm keeping my fingers crossed that no last-minute snags arise. The down payment will pretty much leave us flat broke until the following week, but since we don't have a mortgage payment until July, most all of the money coming in between now and then can go back into savings. I hope. It feels scary, but we had to get a house and this is a great one for us. I know it goes without saying (again) but I reeeaaallly cannot wait much longer to be in our own place. On one hand, I'm really grateful for being able to stay at Grandma's. And there are lots of people who'd kill to have shelter, warmth, running water, etc. On the other hand, one can only walk on eggshells for so long. We can't really listen to music here, or let Henry roam or make a mess, or really truly relax and let it all hang out. I'm worried that Henry is going to pick up on all of the negative things that Grandma says (not about him, but in general). Like "no," "mine" "stop that" and (to the dog) "get out of here" "go away" etc. I think she says "no" to Henry about 7000 times daily, no matter how much I've tried to gently coach her in our way of handling him doing things we don't want him to do. Most of it is stuff that doesn't even matter; like, is it really a problem if he opens the TV cabinet to put a toy in and take it out ad nauseum? Not in my book, but in Grandma's it's a no-no.

There's a million other things I'm salty about, but I don't mean to complain. I just want to continue being respectful and polite for what little time here remains. But damn! I am so looking forward to my own home again (and getting our own bed back). No matter how much work we'll have to do, it's going to feel like paradise.

Meanwhile, we're still going outside every day, and just marveling at all the opportunity just within walking distance of our house. Sunday, we hiked around Teal Lake and found a great spot for spending the afternoon one of these days as it gets warmer and less windy...the perfect little peninsula for a picnic, swimming and chilling.
Ignore the crazy head scarf...it was sooooo windy out there and my hair was driving me bonkers.